AMA: What have you learned about your sexual desires/wants/needs/kinks through sex work?

Ooh now you wanna know the nitty gritty about me? Let's get into it....

Being in the sex industry, it goes without saying, has me thinking about sex a lotttt of my time. If you had asked my 14-year old christian schoolgirl self what I was going to spend my adult years thinking about, I would’ve probably said worship music and packed lunches, not vibrators and butt plugs.

From The London Vagabond

There are two things you need to think about when you think of sex and the erotic in sex work. The first and most important thing is what does your potential client base want, and how close does your own advertising/website/personality line up to that expectation? If you ‘sell authenticity,’ then you can get away with being yourself a lot more, because the fantasy is less Brandi Love and more Girl Next Door. As sex work moves away more and more from the cultural expectation of selling a fantasy, it requires the creation of a more and more realistic persona to sustain the ultimate fantasy of what clients want (and what provides the most job security); real intimacy.

Real intimacy is hard to fake, although I’ve done it many a time (a girl has got to eat, ya know?) and there are still clients out there who don’t really want or desire an emotional connection. For them, it’s all about relieving a need and then getting on with their day. I get that too. But my bread and butter are the people that I have a real connection with, because those are the relationships that I will have for years, and the ones that will be the most enjoyable to me. To build that, I have to give just as much of myself and my wants as possible, without feeling uncomfortable. To be a true object of desire, one has to not only learn to be desirable, but also how to desire themselves.