A Sex Workers Adventures in Dating (for free!)

How do you know love is real when your whole job is to create love where there wasn't any previously?

if we went into relationships with a little more calculation about how much our actual labor and offerings are worth, maybe we wouldn’t feel so cheated when we’re in them.

Confession my lovely readers: I’ve started dating people for free, in my free time, of what in there actually exists. No, this is not an invitation for offers to crossover from client to boyfriend, I can almost guarantee you are not my type.

When I first started as a sugar baby years ago, I was dating a boy who immediately bragged to all of his friends that I was a sex worker. It made me uncomfortable, but it took me years to finally understand how violating and inappropriate that was. I’ve been with partners since then who celebrated my sex work (or were turned on by it, hello my favorites), who became sex workers alongside me, who tolerated it, or those who said they tolerated it but in practice, really really didn’t. I've also been in relationships where I’m ashamed to say I hid my sex work; under the broad umbrella of a mutually-agreed upon ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy.

I got out of a relationship last year that was a compromise. I wanted to feel loved and obsessed over in a way that my previous relationship didn’t make me feel, and so I ignored red flags and signs of an unhealthy attachment in order to feel loved. I felt shame about sex work, and felt like I couldn’t ask for space or adjustments from my partner, because I was already asking for so much from this person in just asking them to tolerate my work.

When you feel guilty for existing, it’s easy to confuse acceptance and forgiveness, or love and salvation.

So now I’ve slowly been reworking my thoughts about myself with a hell of a lot of therapy, meditation, and journaling, wondering what it would be like to re-enter the world of dating civilians as a professional. Because what is it like to date for fun when it’s your job? When you’re so good at making people fall in love with you, can you still find love and it to feel authentic?